Monday, December 11, 2006
You know, Sometimes ordinary days can end in such magnificient notes! Today was really one of such days! It was totally unexpected, yet enormously edifying, and a relief. To see at times difficulties faced bye one are often not faced alone. Since yesterday night I was riddled with guilt, a huge sense of worthlessness, and shame! On how could I have sunk so low on the peak of God's immense presence in my life! I felt like God's grace was fully wasted on me! And it could have went on to another more deserving person! Why be riddled with the troubles of a deviant son that strays often, when you could have one that would always be faithful, always be loyal! I admit I dont want to be a fake christian! I person that isnt real! Anybody who says that after being a christian, your life is trouble-free is a liar! It just isnt true! Yet I don't rule out the possibility of it ever happening! I mean coz God works in mysterious ways right! So there I was mulling around thinking about how much I've let God down! A disgrace in his sight,hardly worthy to be called one of his own! I realised though, that this is never the way that God looks at us! He may be dissapointed at us for a second! But its the next part he cares about! Do we look past our problems and our shortcomings and replace him above all else knowing that he is above all circumstances? Or do we sulk in a corner constantly remembering our own shortcomings, weaknesses, and inadequacy! A friend so aptly put it " You know, God's the type that all he wants is for you to ask for forgiveness once! Thats all and then he's forgotten about it! He doesnt want you to keep on remembering it and to keep on asking for forgiveness in the same are? He'd be like 'Cmon la.....Get over it and get on with life"
Because in the end of the day! All that counts is how you finished the race! You could be like Solomon who had a Beautiful start, Was going on strong in mid race, and then fell in the last part and didnt finish the race"
Or maybe like David "that started the race well, got into deepshit halfway through, yet came back to God and finished the race well"
Last example is Abraham "slow start, slow middle, but with faith in God, and awesome finish"
So maybe your life is like that! You got tons of shit in it! Don't we all? We're all screwed up somehow aint we? The thing is it doesnt really matter on how we started the race! How we go through it! But it's all about how we end it! Thats the most important part!
Truthfully, one of my fears was, If a man such as David that was described as after God's own heart, could fall so greatly! What more me?
I learnt the chocolate theory today! Which is really intresting and true! Alright, its based on girls, dont kill me for it!
"So a girl starts dieting to reach her ideal weight! She's made a pact with herself to only eat healthily and in moderation at all times. So far so good! But one day she see's this irresistable slab of chocolate lying around the house! It look so good! and everyone knows a girls best friend is chocolate! So she looks around and see's nobody is there! And eats it up! Yeah it taste's so good! Yet as soon as she finishes it! She remembers her diet pact! And she starts feeling really bad. She's guilty and upset! She knows it was wrong! But it seemed alright! But deep down she hates it! So then she goes along her diet again, going pretty far this time nearly reaching her goal when she encounters another chocolate! Her self restraint is low and she consumes it! Thus starts another guilt cycle that end up making her feel worthless and like shit! This is called the chocolate cycle that many people face in many diffrent aspects and areas! They cant be confined to a certain area! But thats how a majority of people in life face it! Ignorance is bliss. It's always easier to live in denial, then to accept the painful truths and realities! The chocolate theory does have a solution. When your going through your diet and you face your chocolate, before indulging in it! Stop to consider the last time this happend! How did you feel? If you ended up feeling worthless and like shit! Do you seriously want to go through it again? There are some things in life that cannot be reversed amd mistakes forged we often have to bear with us til the end of our days! Im thankful that so far the mistakes that I have made have not hurt anybody but myself unless unintentionally! Ive close friends that have made mistakes that involved other people that not only hurt yourself, but the others included. And those kinda stuff you are responsible for and will haunt for times to come.
It's trully remarkable how God works! And sometimes how people you never envisioned of ever being friends with is your friend! Diffrent backgrounds,culture,churches dont matter! Its just your vision of living your life fully in God's grace that does matter! Im blessed that I have friend that I can relate on a higher level to. These are not superficial relationships. But really deep unique ones! I'll admit this morning I was feeling really low, and even felt like I wanted to stop coming to church! Because I felt God's grace was wasted on me! But by the end of today, It was an exceptional experience of God's hand! How he placed things together for today and how they turned out! I found answers, reassurance, and edification through it all. At the end of the day I just want to live my life the greatest possible according to God's plan and never back down! There'll never be another Vighnath in this world again! Because he specifically crafted me as I am because he wanted somebody as how I am. I'd just like to thank Banggla for always having my back and being my pillar of support and trust. And Pandi for really opening up to me during this conversation! This has really opened up my eyes and greatly edified me in more ways then you could ever imagine!
Cheers bros~
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